It seems to me that two of the most common excuses people use these days is, "I married the wrong person" or, "I'm stuck in a loveless marriage." Don't misunderstand me, those are both bad situations, but they get used as excuses much too often.
Jacob fell in love with a young woman named Rachel. He agreed to work for Rachel's father, Laban, for seven years in exchange for Rachel's hand in marriage. The problem was that Rachel had an older sister, named Leah. The Bible doesn't really say much about what Leah looked like, although it does tell us that Rachel was beautiful and well favored (I suspect that if Leah were attractive, that would have been written down). Anyway, when the seven years were completed, Jacob went through the wedding ceremony, and started in on his honeymoon. When he woke up the next morning, though, he found that he had married Leah. The Bible doesn't really say, but I'm thinking there were large quantities of alcohol involved. Laban explained to Jacob that it was against custom to marry off the younger daughter before the older. I can only imagine that Jacob probably said something along the lines of, "You couldn't tell me this before the wedding?" Jacob might have been able to facilitate a husband for Leah, or at least have held off a little longer to get married...
Anyway, bigamy was not a crime, so Laban suggested that Jacob work another seven years, and, there were no other older sisters, so then he could marry Rachel. It seems to me that Jacob probably could have convinced Laban that seven years was too long, he had already worked seven years for Rachel, it wasn't his fault that he got stuck with Leah, but he didn't. He went along with the agreement. Was he afraid of devaluing Rachel by appearing to bargain for her? Rachel might have questioned his feelings for her, if he had said that he was only willing to serve, say, five years for her. Maybe he just wanted to stay on good terms with his father-in-law (that's generally good practice, if it's at all possible).
In any case, for seven years, he was married to Leah, and still very much in love with Rachel. I wonder how that made Leah feel? I suppose, in that day and age, she might have considered herself lucky to have a husband at all. I would hope not; no woman should ever have to feel lucky to have a husband that is clearly in love with another woman. At the same time, it's pretty clear that Jacob was good to her. There's a good chance that he treated her well only because he was afraid of how it would affect his relationship with Rachel if he didn't.
There is also an instance, after Jacob married Rachel, that Reuben, one of Leah's sons, found some mandrakes (I assume that they were alive when he found them, but he killed them and brought them home for dinner), and Rachel wanted mandrake for dinner. Leah told her sister that she could only have mandrake if Leah could have Jacob for the night. Rachel agreed, and when Jacob came home that night, Leah told him where he would be sleeping that night and why. Personally, I think I would have slept on the couch just out of principle. I can't believe that Jacob was happy about his wives negotiating over him; but he understood that, even as adults, there was a certain amount of sibling rivalry between the sisters. Usually, when we grow up, we get out from under the same roof, that rivalry goes away (it certainly worked for Jacob and Esau), but these two sisters lived under the same roof even as adults. Leah tried to be the better wife by having more children, which led Rachel to compete in that arena, too--as if she needed to compete for Jacob's affection. God tried to help Leah out; she ended up having a lot of kids.
And then Rachel died in childbirth, giving life to Benjamin (or Ben-oni), but Leah lived on for a number of years after that. I'm not sure that Jacob ever actually loved Leah, but somewhere along the line, they at least grew comfortable with each other.
I feel for Jacob and Leah; they pretty much had to settle for each other. I particularly feel for Leah; for her entire married life, she knew that her husband was in love with someone else. Some of that time, she had to compete with her sister's ghost. That can't possibly be easy. I think it's significant though that she and Jacob never gave up on their marriage. Part of that probably stems from the culture of the time, but I think it also has to do with their innate good nature. They wanted to do right by each other, even if neither one of them was particularly happy about the arrangement.
Jacob fell in love with a young woman named Rachel. He agreed to work for Rachel's father, Laban, for seven years in exchange for Rachel's hand in marriage. The problem was that Rachel had an older sister, named Leah. The Bible doesn't really say much about what Leah looked like, although it does tell us that Rachel was beautiful and well favored (I suspect that if Leah were attractive, that would have been written down). Anyway, when the seven years were completed, Jacob went through the wedding ceremony, and started in on his honeymoon. When he woke up the next morning, though, he found that he had married Leah. The Bible doesn't really say, but I'm thinking there were large quantities of alcohol involved. Laban explained to Jacob that it was against custom to marry off the younger daughter before the older. I can only imagine that Jacob probably said something along the lines of, "You couldn't tell me this before the wedding?" Jacob might have been able to facilitate a husband for Leah, or at least have held off a little longer to get married...
Anyway, bigamy was not a crime, so Laban suggested that Jacob work another seven years, and, there were no other older sisters, so then he could marry Rachel. It seems to me that Jacob probably could have convinced Laban that seven years was too long, he had already worked seven years for Rachel, it wasn't his fault that he got stuck with Leah, but he didn't. He went along with the agreement. Was he afraid of devaluing Rachel by appearing to bargain for her? Rachel might have questioned his feelings for her, if he had said that he was only willing to serve, say, five years for her. Maybe he just wanted to stay on good terms with his father-in-law (that's generally good practice, if it's at all possible).
In any case, for seven years, he was married to Leah, and still very much in love with Rachel. I wonder how that made Leah feel? I suppose, in that day and age, she might have considered herself lucky to have a husband at all. I would hope not; no woman should ever have to feel lucky to have a husband that is clearly in love with another woman. At the same time, it's pretty clear that Jacob was good to her. There's a good chance that he treated her well only because he was afraid of how it would affect his relationship with Rachel if he didn't.
There is also an instance, after Jacob married Rachel, that Reuben, one of Leah's sons, found some mandrakes (I assume that they were alive when he found them, but he killed them and brought them home for dinner), and Rachel wanted mandrake for dinner. Leah told her sister that she could only have mandrake if Leah could have Jacob for the night. Rachel agreed, and when Jacob came home that night, Leah told him where he would be sleeping that night and why. Personally, I think I would have slept on the couch just out of principle. I can't believe that Jacob was happy about his wives negotiating over him; but he understood that, even as adults, there was a certain amount of sibling rivalry between the sisters. Usually, when we grow up, we get out from under the same roof, that rivalry goes away (it certainly worked for Jacob and Esau), but these two sisters lived under the same roof even as adults. Leah tried to be the better wife by having more children, which led Rachel to compete in that arena, too--as if she needed to compete for Jacob's affection. God tried to help Leah out; she ended up having a lot of kids.
And then Rachel died in childbirth, giving life to Benjamin (or Ben-oni), but Leah lived on for a number of years after that. I'm not sure that Jacob ever actually loved Leah, but somewhere along the line, they at least grew comfortable with each other.
I feel for Jacob and Leah; they pretty much had to settle for each other. I particularly feel for Leah; for her entire married life, she knew that her husband was in love with someone else. Some of that time, she had to compete with her sister's ghost. That can't possibly be easy. I think it's significant though that she and Jacob never gave up on their marriage. Part of that probably stems from the culture of the time, but I think it also has to do with their innate good nature. They wanted to do right by each other, even if neither one of them was particularly happy about the arrangement.
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