Dealing With Urges (Part II)

The last time a posted a blog, I discussed the difference between urges and sin. It occurs to me that I may not have made one point in that discussion as clearly as I could have, so I will try to rectify that now.

Jesus said that if a man looks after a woman to lust after her, he has committed adultery with her already in his heart. John said that a man who hates his brother is guilty of murder. I think that it’s a pretty safe assumption that that same train of thought applies to other things, as well. If you plan out a bank robbery, and the only thing that keeps you from carrying out that plan is the fear of getting caught, well, in God’s eyes, you’ve already been caught. Now, if you walk past a bank, and it occurs to you that it would be nice to have the money in that bank, and keep walking, and don’t think about it any more, that’s completely different. Of course, if you keep walking by that bank, thinking about how much you could use that money, then, eventually, you’re going to start thinking about robbing the bank. By the same token, if you notice a person that you find attractive walking down the sidewalk as you are driving down the street, that really just shows that your eyes and brain still work. On the other hand, if you circle the block to get another look, then you’re in trouble with God.

There’s also a difference between being angry with someone, and hating them (thank goodness). Even the best of friends have arguments occasionally. If you stop and think about it, if you and your best friend always agree on everything, then what is either of you getting out of the relationship? Oh, sure, you can have some good times, and you would probably enjoy each others company tremendously, but neither one of you is growng. The Bible says that iron sharpeneth iron. I don’t imagine that would feel too good to the iron (if iron could feel), but it’s important that your knife or sword be sharp; a dull blade doesn’t cut well. An occasional disagreement can help you to see a different perspective, to expand your horizons, as it were. Sometimes we take those unpleasant discussions too personally; a friend who points out what he or she thinks is a mistake on your part is really only trying to help you. If the mistake is actually theirs, in thinking that you have erred, well, be patient with them and explain yourself the best you can. On the other hand, if they are right that you are not acting in your own best interest, then it’s better that you listen to them. Either way, you gain valuable experience.

By the way, one other thing, when we think of lust, we generally associate that with physical attraction. I suppose that’s the most common form of sexual lust, although that doesn’t necessarily follow. For one thing, lust isn’t necessarily sexual; one can lust for money or power as well. If you desire someone because they have money, that is just as much lust as if your interest in them was purely physical. On the other hand (by now you’re probably thinking that I have too many hands), if you desire someone even though they don’t have money and you don’t find that person particularly attractive, that may or may not be lust. The real test is what do you hope to accomplish by being with them. Do you want to get married, and raise children, or maybe just grow old with them; or, do you just want what you want, with no regard for the long term? One of the problems here is that we often confuse our own motives. Amnon, the son of David, had a half-sister named Tamar that he wanted badly. If he had asked his father the king for her hand in marriage, David probably would have let them wed. I’m not sure why he didn’t ask; maybe he was afraid that David would refuse, and take steps to keep those two apart, or maybe he was afraid that he would actually wind up married to her. In any case, he got what he wanted by subtlety, and his guilt turned into hatred towards her. I feel pretty confident that he wouldn’t have done what he did if he had realized that it would cause him to hate her; I also feel confident that if he had really loved her, he would have simply married her. In any case, he wanted what he wanted, and he spent way too much time trying to figure out how to get what he wanted by trickery without thinking through the consequences of his actions. If he had just walked away from the urge…