Betrothed

One of the questions that I drove people nuts with as a kid was, "Why did Mary tell the angel that she didn't know a man, when she knew Joseph?" Of course, nobody wanted to explain to me that when they say 'know' in the Bible, they aren't talking about what I thought they were talking about.

Of course, as an adult, then I had people tell me, "Oh, well you have to understand what the word 'betrothed' means." I know what the word betrothed means, but the Bible doesn't say that Joseph and Mary were betrothed, it says that they were espoused. Espoused means exactly what it sounds like: They were spouses; husband and wife.

But that pretty much brings us back to the original question: Why did Mary tell the angel that she knew not a man? Why was she so sure that she was not going to bear her husband's child? My father actually put me on the right track for that one, a couple of Christmas's ago; he made the comment that marriage traditions must have been very different back then.

They were. Boys and girls, and even young men and young women, lived with their parents until they were married. Even then, once the ceremony had taken place, it was the man's responsibility to get a job, if he didn't already have one, and find a piece of land, buy it, build on it, and, when he had their home ready, then he would come back to his wife (who was still living with her parents) and take her to their home. In other words, he would go away, and prepare a place for her. This had the added benefit of additional proof, even if only to the young couple, that they actually married for love, and not for sex. So, even though Mary and Joseph were married when the angel came, he was away building a house. She didn't expect him back for many months, certainly not within the time frame that the angel indicated. How can this be? What will my husband say when he comes back and finds me pregnant (or perhaps a mother)? All legitimate concerns, but God had the answer. So, when Joseph came back, and found his wife pregnant, and knowing it wasn't his, he was nice enough that he was going to divorce Mary quietly, without making any accusations, but the angel appeared to him, and talked him out of it. So their neighbors just assumes that Joseph took his honeymoon a little early. At least they didn't think that Mary and Joseph had sinned, by getting together before their marriage, just that they had taken some liberties with tradition.