Marital Relations

The Bible talks a good bit about marriage. Of course, a lot of things have changed since the Bible was written, but people remain very much the same. Some of what was written is not as clear as it was, because of changes in culture, but it still applies.

There is a passage in Matthew chapter 5 that I had to spend a lot of time and prayer before I felt like I understood it. Jesus talks about putting away one's wife for cause of fornication, but then says that if she marries someone else, she is committing adultery. Now, I wondered about this for a long time, because my understanding of the two words, 'fornication' and 'adultery' is that adultery is between two people, at least one of whom is married, but are not married to each other; fornication is between two people, neither of whom is married. So, the question in my mind was, how does a married woman (and this principle works the other way also--even though Jesus was talking about a man divorcing a woman, a woman can divorce a man, too. That probably didn't much happen in that culture, but, let's face it, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander) commit fornication? Someone suggested that maybe it could be considered fornication if the other person isn't married. I struggled with that for awhile, until I realized that, right there in the same verse, Jesus says that if she that has been put away marries someone else, then she is committing adultery, and the man that she marries is committing adultery. Obviously, this judgment comes from an understanding that the divorce isn't valid, she is still married; so why would the same act be considered fornication before the meaningless divorce, and adultery afterwards?

The Bible also makes many comparisons between the relationship of a husband and wife and the relationship of Christ to the church. In John 3:29, John the Baptist refers to himself as the friend of the bridegroom; Matthew 25 refers to the coming of Christ as a wedding, with those that were ready at the time of His coming being the bride; Matthew 22 has a parable about a great king throwing a wedding feast for his son (who could that be?); and Revelations 19 talks about the marriage of the Lamb. This is an example of the Bible using a physical thing that people generally understand, to try to explain something spiritual. Jesus did that a lot in His teachings, because we are physical creatures, and we sometimes have a hard time understanding spiritual things. So, in the spiritual sense, we are betrothed to Christ, and, when He returns, then we will be His bride.

So, in the first paragraph, when the passage uses the term, 'fornication,' it is talking in the spiritual sense, not the physical, since a married person cannot commit fornication; but we are not yet married to Christ. And just in case it wasn't clear, Apostle Paul spells it out for us in 1st Corinthians 7. If a brother or sister is married to an unbeliever (by the way, I don't think Paul is advocating religious mixed marriages, but if a couple gets married, and then one of them accepts Christ, or if one of a Christian couple decides that they no longer believe, either way, a Christian man or woman is now married to an unbeliever, through no fault of their own) then the Christian has no right to end that marriage, but if the unbeliever chooses to go a different way, then that marriage is dissolved, the Christian is not bound to that individual any longer.

So, does that mean that adultery is not a good enough reason to get a divorce? Not in and of itself, no, really it isn't. On the other hand, it's unlikely that a Christian spouse would commit adultery. Don't misunderstand me, we are imperfect people, and sometimes we slip. If one of us were to stumble that badly, but to confess, and to show contrition, then the spouse is required to forgive, just as God forgives. Keep in mind also, though, that even though Jesus said that you must forgive until seventy times seven, I don't think that's talking about the same sin, over and over again. If I stole a car, and then confessed, and returned the car, and then went out and stole another car, would you believe that I had repented of stealing the first car? Maybe I repented that I didn't steal a nicer car... By the same token, if you catch your spouse cheating on you, and they confess, and make a show of repentance, but then later you catch them again, I think that you can assume that they are being unfaithful to both you and God: Toss that person out. Well, okay, I can't really tell you that you have to, you may be of a mind that once is a slip, twice is just the same slip again, and even three times is just evidence that your spouse has a weakness. Pray about that. Hard. An unfaithful spouse can bring home a whole world of trouble that you really don't need.