Forgiveness Part 2

It occurs to me that yesterday I posted about God forgiving us, but I didn't even mention us forgiving each other. That's an important part of the forgiveness topic. Jesus warned us in the Sermon on the Mount, right after teaching the Lord's Prayer, that if we didn't forgive each other, then neither will God forgive us. When Peter asked about forgiveness, He taught a parable in which the Lord forgave a servant his debt, but then the servant went and had one of his fellow-servants thrown into debtor's prison because of a debt. When the Lord heard about it, He 'unforgave' the first servant, and had him thrown into debtor's prison also. So it is clear that God expects us to be forgiving, and His attitude towards our misdeeds is going to be dependent on our attitude towards other people's misdeeds. I wonder how many people recite the words, "...and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors..." without really stopping to consider their meaning.

It's also important for our own mental and spiritual health. If you carry a grudge against someone, that person may not understand why you treat them the way you do. If you are trying to be 'Christian' about it, you may even make it a point not to treat them differently, just because you have something against them. That must really do great things for your blood pressure. My point is, that by holding your anger in, you are hurting yourself. Some people have even been known to develop physical symptoms as a result of holding a grudge (and not just hypertension). It usually doesn't even hurt the other person at all, and they may not even realize that you are upset with them.

On the other hand, it's hard to forgive someone who hasn't apologized. Keep in mind that they may not even realize that you feel that they have wronged you. You don't want to go yelling and screaming and acting like a crazy person, that never comes out well. If you go into that mode over something that happened 6 months or a year ago, then they may very well call the whitecoats to come collect you. Think about how you would react if someone came to you yelling and screaming about ancient history. Still, it's important, even if only for your own health, to at least try to talk to them about it (well, if it's one of those people that just likes pushing your buttons, then it might not be a good idea to let them know that was one of your buttons). If for some reason, you really can't talk to the person, it is important that you talk it out. You may be able to pray through it: Describe your situation to God--He'll listen, even though He already knows--and ask Him to help you to forgive. If, for some reason, you can't pray it through, or you don't feel forgiving even after praying about it, talk to your pastor. Don't get offended if your pastor starts playing devil's advocate. He's going to try to make sure that you can see both sides of the situation--even though he's basically guessing at the other person's logic and motivation. He's also going to be more objective about it than you are, because he doesn't have the emotional investment that you have. Be honest with him, at least as much as you can bring yourself to be, because the more he knows about your situation, the more he can help you get over it. Remember, too, that he is obligated to keep confidential anything that you tell him (hopefully this isn't about you forgiving the liquor store owner who shot you when you were trying to rob his store), if there's something that might be embarrassing to you if other people knew about it. Remember, also, that he's probably heard much worse.