Mother-in-Law

Mother-in-Law jokes have been very popular among professional comedians. To be honest, I haven’t heard too many lately, maybe it’s run its course. I make it a point not to tell mother-in-law jokes, myself (I haven’t always, I must admit, there was a time in my life, when I was young and stupid—and some would say the only change is that I’m not young anymore—when I had no real heartache about telling mother-in-law jokes, but they didn’t make sense, coming from me, because everyone who knew me then knew I wasn’t married).
Many years ago, when my first son was in diapers, his mother and I had our first real, serious fight. To be honest, I don’t remember what the fight was about. I don’t think she does, either. At some point in the argument, though, she announced that she was going home to mother. She picked up the phone, and called to tell “Mom” that she was leaving me. Part of me wanted to grab the phone away from her and tell “my side” of the story, but I realized that there was no way I could that and appear lucid (she would think I was a crazy man). So I listened. As I listened, I was a little surprised out how accurate the description of the situation was (isn’t that funny though? I can remember that her description of the situation was accurate, but I can’t remember what the situation was). After a while, I realized that she wasn’t going to lie to her mother, her mother knows her too well for that. After a few minutes, though, I heard, “But, Momma…” and, “But, Momma…” and, “But Momma…” and, finally, “Okay.” Then she hung up the phone, walked over to me, and said, “Sorry,” and went and locked herself in the bathroom. The word ‘sorry’ had the distinct tone of the apology that one really doesn’t feel they want to apologize (or should have to apologize), but Mom said to, so there it is.
I was dumbfounded. For some time, I thought that my mother-in-law had actually taken my side. Much later, I realized that it wasn’t so much that she took my side, as that she realized that we were blowing this argument way out of proportion. It wasn’t that our marriage was over; it was just that the honeymoon was over. I have never asked about her side of the conversation, but I suspect that she lectured about some of the things that she had to put up with in her own marriage (some of which were actually serious, as opposed to our little spat). It occurs to me that if more people had mothers-in-law like mine, than there might be fewer divorces. I suspect that ‘disposable marriage’ has a lot to do with the fact that, sometimes, young couples don’t have anyone to tell them that married couples are going to have disagreements—there is no ‘happily ever after’ in real life.
My heart is heavy today, because this woman, my mother-in-law, the grandmother to my children, has been diagnosed with cancer. How bad is it? We don’t know yet; she will see an oncologist Tuesday, and will take some time to sort things out after that. I have known cancer survivors, medicine has gotten much better in recent years, but, at the same time, I grew up in a time when a diagnosis of cancer was a death sentence. Intellectually, I know that is no longer the case, but, emotionally, it feels, well, it feels bad. I would ask that readers of this post pray for her. Also, I would appreciate it if you would pray for me, too, that I can be a comfort to her in this difficult time, and that I can encourage her, and not depress her (or treat her like a walking dead woman). I have a pretty good idea that talking about this illness with her is only going to make it harder on her, but ignoring the elephant in the room isn’t the right thing to do, either. Somewhere there is a happy medium, and I’m not smart enough to find that on my own, but God knows where that is, so I need to be led and directed by God.
I appreciate your prayers.