Kid's Stuff

There’s an old story about a woman that, for some reason or another, was not able to make it to church on Sunday morning, but she sent her young son. Upon his return she asked him what the sermon was about. The boy, not expecting a pop quiz, thought about it for a few minutes, and finally said, “Many are cold, but a few are frozen.” That took a little time for mom to figure out that the pastor had preached from Matthew 22:14. The next week, though, the son apparently still had the temperature on his mind, because he came back and said that Jesus had promised us an extra blanket. Mom had to call the pastor to find out what that was about, but he explained that he had preached from John 14:16.
Kids come up with some interesting things, sometimes. I know that when I was a kid, I got the idea from the story of Ananias and Sapphira that when people died, a hole opened up in the back where you could stick a wind-up key in, so that they didn’t have to be carried away, they could be walked. I didn’t know that the Israelites buried their dead as mummies, much the same way the Egyptians did.
Some other things have been floating around the Internet, supposedly written by children in Sunday school class:
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.